Hello, My name is Stanton,I'm a loving and caring father, a feminist, a clinical - psychiatric social worker, a divorced husband, and I was ...

Question

Hello, My name is Stanton,

I'm a loving and caring father, a feminist, a clinical - psychiatric social worker, a divorced husband, and I was falsely accused of DV. I have a DVRO, which for the last two years has impeded my ability to obtain stable employment within my profession as a health care provider.

My spouse (the courts have yet to sign off on the final divorce decree) hired an unethical family law attorney, then that attorney took full advantage of my spouses physical health and psychiatric condition, and despite my pleading to reconcile and go to marriage counseling to avoid divorce, her attorney adversely opposed this, orchestrated a false DV filing, with absolutely no evidence whatsoever aside from self hearsay, and now two years later I still am not able to attain gainful employment as a health care provider, which greatly impeded on my ability to optimally provide for my 7 y/o daughter.

I loved my wife, unconditionally. I have never, and would never be a threat to her. The last two years of our six year marriage I was the full time stay at home dad and home care taker, and happily so. I became the primary parent to our daughter when she was born...it was the least I could do given that my wife braved all those months of carrying our child in her womb and then assured our daughter was delivered safely and soundly despite a horrendously difficult delivery...still to this day, my wife bringing our only child into this world is the bravest and most amazing feat I have witnessed another human being accomplish.

I am firm believer in the DVPA and I believe the act of DV is one of the most heinous acts one human being can commit against another.

As a clinical - psychiatric social worker before the divorce, I counseled and consoled many women and men who survived DV. I have consoled and counseled many youth who have born witness to DV, or themselves have been subject to DV and abuse.

So for me to be falsely accused of DV, no words can really describe my feelings aside from humiliation and anxiety and depression, and frustration.

And anger...not towards my spouse, but anger towards her unethical family law attorney who's only purpose was to keep my wife hyper paranoid about what I would be able to do if I had the finances to hire my own lawyer, bilking my wife for a substantial amount of money, degrading and debasing me merely so the attorney could make a ton of money from a psychiatrically vulnerable client, and I am angry at the lackadaisical family court system here in Los Angeles with a presiding judge who is merely concerned with clearing their docket, thus going the path of least resistance (rule for the party with legal representation, not the party in pro per), no due process, no strict scrutiny.

I was never charged with DV nor arrested. I have no criminal record, and yet my name and "DV/RO" show up n a law enforcement data base, so every time I apply for a city or county or gov position with any hospital or clinic, my candidacy is disqualified because the patient populations I have served are a protected vulnerable class, so I am red flagged...every single time...and I have done nothing wrong.

The written script my wife's attorney had her read stated that my wife was "In mortal fear for years" (we were married for six years), and that she "Couldn't get away", despite the fact that my wife controlled all of the finances and has always had her own bank account through the duration of our marriage. My wife is also a software engineer, a very brilliant one at that, and so she made far more income then I ever did as a clinical - psych social worker.

She also moved my daughter and I three times in 6 years...Seattle, San Francisco, and finally Los Angeles. We moved for her work, not mine.

And again, I was the primary parent and the stay at home dad and home care taker for the last two years of our six year marriage...I tended to our daughter, I cleaned the house, did the laundry, dishes, yard work, meals...seriously my wife didn't wash a single dish nor did any laundry for two years, I kid you not.

And it was hard work being a full time home maker, and I loved it.

Then my wife became ill, I took care of her, she changed with all the medications she was taking, became severely depressed, then thought getting a divorce would be the solution to her problems, hired her attorney (who describes herself in her ad's as "The Divorce Diva"), and two years after that, I have had my life turned upside down by a system that is supposed to assure the actual perpetrators are punished and the victims protected...not be manipulated by officers of the court who are only interested in making money.

In LA I have yet to attain an attorney pro bono to clear my name of this injustice.

I have never laid a hand on my wife, never abused her psychologically, never kept her prisoner, never was a threat, and I will never be.

I on the other have been hit, and slapped, and shoved, and kicked, physically, seven different times by my wife during our marriage, twice in front of our daughter.

I have have endured verbal abuse..."I wish you were dead", "I hate you", etc.

This past summer during a dispute my wife had with me during our custody pick up of our daughter, my wife had a meltdown, became enraged, and assaulted me with our car, the courts granted her to have primary use even though it belongs to both of us...I'm relegated to trains and buses),and I end up being the only spouse in our marriage who has had to file a police report of assault on me by my souse and submit forensic pictures of my injury, ...though the police could not pursue further because the video surveillance showing the assault was blocked by an incoming Amtrak train, and thus no charges were pursued, nonetheless they still conducted an investigation and this report is still on file with the Oceanside Police Department...and yet I'm the one with the DV/RO?

I have 50% legal custody of our child but my wife has majority physical custody of our daughter because she makes exponentially more than I do despite my having been the primary parent for most of our daughters life.

I am looking for legal representation, to have this RO removed. I am looking to see if there is an legal action that can be taken against my wife's attorney who completely ignored and undermined the tenants of the DVPA as well as the CA Family Code and Custody Law, and what if anything can be done regarding the court completely dismissing my rights and entitlements under law for due process, and the courts obligation to apply strict scrutiny to my case, and what of the dismissing of constitutional rights as a parent, and the fact that a decision was made based on the opposing parties fraud committed and thus the decision falls under the "Laws of Void" for California.

I am hoping your agency can assist me in getting my life back and assuring correct and equitable familial rights entitlements for my daughter and I.

Please let me know, and thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Stanton Gene Kawaihinano Otero, BASW, MSW.

1451 North Avalon Blvd., #5

Wilmington, CA

90744

(562) 794-8747

[email protected]/* */

Answer

Mr. Otero,

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

The legal system is based on a number of principles. One of those principles is the "finality" of judgments. Once a judgment is entered and becomes final (meaning the time for appeal has expired), the system takes the underlying facts as fixed in stone. There are limited exceptions, and maybe one of them applies in your case. If no exception applies, however, the determination of domestic violence is permanent as to the acts alleged. It is essentially a system of "one bite at the apple," in order to prevent repeated litigation over the same facts.

A second principle is that an attorney must zealously represent his or her client. Judges know that all clients dislike the attorney of the other side. The rights of one party to make a claim against the attorney of the other party are almost non-existent. Among other things is the litigation privilege in the California Civil Code, which protects everyone from liability due to statements made in judicial proceedings.

The short answer is you are going to need to spend money on representation here to restore your life and establish the relationship with your daughter that you desire. Self-representation is not working. Indeed, this is not a situation that can be handled "on the cheap."

It may be possible to have the Restraining Order removed by going to court and seeking relief. It may be possible to obtain a restraining order against your wife. You will need to see a family law lawyer about this. A public forum like this is not the place for advice on a specific matter -- it is really only for a general explanation of the law and theoretical options. You need to meet with a lawyer who practices family law, and see what can be done in your situation. LawGuru is not a referral panel, nor is it intended for specific advice on an individual's situation. You may be able to find an attorney that practices family law through the LawGuru site, or by contacting your county bar association.

Best of luck to you.